Earthstuck
by Ye Olde Newbe
Summary: Two carapacians discover that Lord English is planning to scratch the Furthest Ring. Meanwhile, Lucas follows Ness down the rabbit hole.


Be warned that this story will change perspective frequently. The only forewarning of this transition will be a horizontal separator. Don't worry; you should be able to tell who is speaking at any given time based on what they're talking about, who's around them, and how they sound.

* * *

I looked out my window upon the vast checkered fields that reflected our bright-yellow Prospit as it set in the sky. I dragged my eyes across the battlefield, watching my fellow carapacians rise against one another in war. I laid my head down. Just another day in our lovely Skaia. At this point it had begun to feel less like a battlefield than like a summer home.

As I watched the carnage out the corner of my eye, I thought I could see my brother taking a swing at a black bishop. What a shame: he fell. I rolled my eyes. I wanted to help, but what could a mere pawn do? Besides, the squirt had it coming.

I took out my PDA to play my favorite puzzle game, there being nothing else to do. Somewhere between levels 32 and 256, a loud, sharp chime grated on my ears. I exited out of the game; it was apparently time to check my Checkmate messages. I had never enjoyed this activity much.

Black Knight L [BKnL] began checking White Pawn 4 [WPa4].

[BKnL] hey pawnd scum

[WPa4] That joke was old twelve sessions ago.

[BKnL] i know we r like

[BKnL] supposd 2 b mortal enemies an all

[WPa4] "Supposed to be" is an understatement. Need I remind you what could happen if we were to become friends?

[BKnL] lol no i get it

[BKnL] but look. this is bigger. i need ur help

[WPa4] I don't see what could possibly be "bigger" than maintaining the health of the SotVC.

[BKnL] sotvj *

[WPa4] That joke was _also_ old twelve sessions ago. Boo. Boooo. Get off the stage.

[BKnL] wat joke. the vast joke. or the speaker theruv

[WPa4] Wow. I'm laughing so hard you can't even hear it.

[WPa4] Listen to my inaudible laughter.

[BKnL] lolol okay. but no but like

[BKnL] ill tell u wats bigger than protectin the speaker of the vast joke

[WPa4] Please do. Make me laugh. It will be a nice change of pace.

[BKnL] protectin the speaker of the vast glub. an its friens

[WPa4] You don't mean what I think you mean.

[BKnL] o yes i do

[WPa4] There is no way in hell you mean what I think you mean.

[BKnL] do u think im talkin bout that feferi wats her name trol from nex dor

[WPa4] What? No, you imbecile.

[BKnL] then yea i mean wat u think i mean

[BKnL] imbacell

[WPa4] Imbecile *

[WPa4] For Frog's sake. If you're going to even try to insult my superior intellect, you can start by learning to spell.

[BKnL] point bein

[BKnL] u kno that fagot goin round killin all the fuckin horrorterrors

[WPa4] Lord English, yes. What of him?

[BKnL] hes gonna lose

[WPa4] Well we all knew that. What's your point?

[BKnL] point bein hes not just gonna up an lose. we ben spyin on him from derse. hes gonna try evry trick in the time player book before goin down

[WPa4] Oh, gee. All the tricks you can fit in the two pages it takes to write a history essay. We'd better be prepared for the worst.

[WPa4] That was sarcasm, by the way.

[BKnL] i kno but

[BKnL] look all im sayin is

[BKnL] dont be suprised if the last thing u ever see

[WPa4] Knight L.

[BKnL] is a big ol pile a scratch requests at ur front dor

[WPa4] KNIGHT L.

[BKnL] jiscus fuck wat

[WPa4] I don't know what kind of ridiculous game your creed is playing,

[BKnL] o no

[BKnL] no. shit

[WPa4] But I'm not having it. We'll get to the bottom of this. Just you wait.

[BKnL] fuck no

[BKnL] ur not listenin

[BKnL] i knew this wud happen

Black Knight L has released White Pawn 4.

I bid good riddance to him and mentally told him to go off and get back to prancing around in L shapes like a proper knight. I looked outside. The rain of the day had begun—my favorite weather. I put down my PDA and headed into the kitchen to brew a pot of what our surrounding session called "tea." Given that the player start planet had been destroyed, I was fairly certain that the tulip-scented box I held in my hands was the last "tea" in the universe. This was a sad day.

At the time, however, I had only just begun to comprehend what an unfortunate day this truly was.

* * *

"Crossroads Park," sighed the older boy, twirling to wave good-morning to the world around. "And not a moment too soon!" He took off his cap to the sea. I'd been through Sunshine Forest too many times to count on my fingers, but I'd never seen the clearing we'd just found.

"Too soon…" I kicked at the dirt and tugged my shorts up. "I thought you said we could time-travel." I normally would have taken such a thing as a joke, but watching a rusty old cowboy take on a robot dinosaur that ate your mother's spleen tends to open your mind up a little. A butterfly decided to sit on my nose. I sneezed.

"That's Ninten's deal, not mine. You'll have to ask him." He tapped a fern's leaf, making it bob up and down. We watched it. "Yep, live in the moment's what I always say." I faked a giggle because I thought that was something I would think was pretty funny. Boney nuzzled my hand with his wet nose. It was kind of gross but I rubbed his head anyway because he's a good dog.

We walked through a foresty trail where lots of oak trees hung over us. I watched him. He seemed happy to lead the way. His backpack bounced with each step. "Who are you again?" The rim of his baseball cap masked his face.

He turned his head back. "You'll find that out later," he told me with a friendly smirk. "I want it to be a surprise!"

We passed under several wreaths of coiled branches and vines. The horizon was obscured by mist. As the boy's speed crawled to a jog, the ground started to move away under my feet. "Hold onto your hat!" shouted the leader, jogging excitedly along the path. Boney barked and whined and tumbled about behind us.

"I don't have a hat!" I shouted before leaves slammed into my face and got in my mouth. I rolled around on the floor, at the mercy of the strange force, and flailed my arms to crawl. I wasn't sure what fell out of my pocket but I could tell it was something. I started to feel sick.

"Then hold onto mine!" I felt something soft whump into my gut. It was a red baseball cap. I clung to it, though I wasn't sure why. The path disappeared in a medley of red and green wires, and we dropped into the black void beneath like lead weights. Wind got into my ears and I thought my head would burst.

* * *

"Mrff." In the middle of pouring the boiling water into the tea, I heard a muffled sound at my window, followed by two loud knocks. I set the kettle back down and rushed to the window. It was rude to keep a guest waiting, even one who does not seem to have much in the way of manners himself.

"Mrfrff." The pitch-black horseman continued to bang at the window, even after he obviously saw me standing there. Not one to keep guests waiting, even those of the enemy lines, I opened up the window and let the boorish knight tumble in like a wind that suddenly forgot it was supposed to be blowing. He gasped for breath and climbed to his feet. I backed up to give him some space.

"Bro. You will not believe what we just heard." He panted heavily, gasping with every breath. I offered him my cup of tea. He took it. I would pour another for myself.

"Is this about that Lord English nonsense?" I narrowed my eyes. "Because if it is, I swear to Frog—"

"Dude, shut your face," sighed the black knight, meandering away into the living room. He scoped out my best armchair, plopped down, and made himself right at home. I grimaced and followed.

I carefully eased into the sofa across from the knight and tapped my knee. "What brings you here, dear enemy?" I threw in an antagonistic scowl for good measure.

The knight leaned forward, nearly touching my face. "Okay," he whispered. "You're not gonna b'lieve this."

"Believe what?" Having been intruded upon by enemy forces during what was supposed to be my day off, I was not in a patient mood.

"I think," he began. I could feel his hot breath pouring down my neck. The urge to withdraw was overwhelming. He stopped. "Look, I di'n't wanna say this on Checkmate. You know how th'kings are with privacy policies." I nodded.

He cleared his throat. "I think," he continued, "Lord British or whatever is plannin' on scratchin' the Furthest Ring." I scoffed. Typical of him. Another lame conspiracy theory that didn't make any sense.

"Absolute hogwash." I drew back and scoffed again. I couldn't help myself. "The Furthest Ring isn't even a session, you fool. It's the space between them." I could hardly believe my ears. "It has no players. No construct either."

He sighed. "Look, man, you're not list'nin'."

"No construct, for Frog's sake!" By then I couldn't control my laughter. "What, do you suppose he'll just magically send out a scratch request with his mind?" The knight hung his head, dejected. I began to ascend into hysterics. "And—And who's going to accept the request? The Furthest Ring has no Skaia, you buffoon!"

"Look, if you're not gonna listen t'th'whole story, you might 'swell listen to none of it." The black knight stood up and dusted his clothes. I stopped laughing and looked up at him. "Thought I could trust your ass." He spat on my face. "You really are pawn'd scum." He stormed out the door and slammed it. I wiped the spit off my face and stared.

"His fault for trusting the enemy," I muttered. I stood up and gathered his tea cup to take to the eat-cleaner. I stared absently at it for a moment and slowly let it roll out of my hands. It crashed down into the sink and shattered into tiny pieces.

I had been meaning to alchemize a new mug lately anyway.


End file.
